(Re)filling my cup

Two books, a few phone calls, and a new perspective 🌼

As I’m writing this, it’s a Saturday in May. I have a head cold, and I didn’t sleep too well. It’s not the first time this week.

I look out the window and not only is it gloomy and grey…it’s heavily drizzling. The drops are thin, but pouring with gusto. Still, the weather app makes no mention of this minor inconvenience.

On top of that, my lower back and butt (I said it!) are still sore from the week. April’s month of work, a new project, culminated in a big presentation this past week. There was lots and lots of sitting and not enough walks or breaks to pull it all together.

But you know what?

Even with the rain. The sniffles. The discomfort in the usually comfortable act of sitting, I’m realizing I feel good. Happy. Excited about today and what’s to come.

*Pause for mini applause* 👏

What’s funny is that last weekend, I was feeling almost the opposite. I started feeling upbeat, but as the day went on my head and heart started to feel heavy.

In the midst of free time to rest and recuperate from the week’s work, I felt alone. I’d spent a few days leading into the weekend by myself, working from home. So even though I met with a friend for dinner, another for coffee…I couldn’t shake a sense of loneliness. I was tender and sad.

My soul craved connection.

Perhaps I hadn’t invested enough in filling up my own cup, focusing, instead, on responding to the outside pressures of this project. This wasn’t the first time this happened. On top of that, I’d started to do what I too often do, when I create some of my own misery…I took my “free” and spacious time as a sign that, once again, I should try to figure out what my big, long-term plan or path is. Like “thinking,” when I was already tired and uninspired, would lead me to an answer.

It didn’t.

It was stormy in my head. Like something had wilted. I was comparing myself to my peers and good friends. Did I stunt my own “growth,” career or otherwise? Did I get in my own way? Am I behind? Was it worth it? I remember thinking. Beyond the work-related questions, an innocently asked question over coffee got me overthinking, doubting myself and feeling like I needed to justify my plans and decisions. It didn’t help that my hormones were probably out of whack with my period soon to come. Or maybe there was something in the air–or the stars.

Well, today the storm is no longer in my head. Just in my sinuses! And in the sky…

I write this as proof of what you hopefully already know: that emotions are often passing. That, yes, they exist to give us a message. And when they do, we can pick up the phone and have a nice and even productive conversation with them. Our emotions aren’t always permanent states nor are they red flags. Sometimes, they’re little flags. And sometimes, just a sign you’re tired.

That said, I didn’t get to how I feel today, more centered, more grounded, more hopeful and excited, by just letting time pass. If we’re being scientific, it helped that I got to spend some time with my boyfriend again (yay!). But there was more. After all, the week was busy, long, and at times, hard.

So what helped?

Along with my hormones doing their thing and letting myself cry and express what I was feeling, I remembered my work-in-progress toolkit, a compilation of lessons learned over 2024’s rollercoaster year. Tools to bring me joy and connect me back to the best parts of myself.

Reflecting on what I’d been missing and why I might be feeling low, I started to plant new seeds so that I could start to anchor back to what nourishes and energizes me. My inspiration. My people.

I decided to look for a way back into myself at the bookstore (again), which I realized earlier this year is critical to my version of living a rich life.

A wonderful, sweet friend had sent me a couple of fiction novels, which I’m working my way through and enjoying. But at that moment, I needed more. Something different. I didn’t find anything I liked on Saturday. But the next day I tried again, at Barnes and Noble. As I browsed the shelves, my heart on the floor, I felt raw. But I didn’t want to leave empty handed.

Eventually, I gravitated to one, and then another, book. I knew I wasn’t picking them up out of a sense of what I “should” read.

How did I know? Because as I briefly cracked open each book, I started to tear up, wanting to cry. I took that to mean, the only thing it could mean. There’s something here. So I decided to trust that. To embrace the signs that, whatever the cause, my grief was back and it was touching every area of my life.

I know it my grief, in all its versions, was part of what I was going through because as I wrangled with the “blues,” I was toiling with a heavy question:

What if something in me broke when my Dad got sick? After he passed?

Has my stepping off the trodden path, the one I was on, been reactionary? Was it silly? Misguided? A sign of clouded judgement? Did I let myself fall “behind” for no reason, stunting my growth, my trajectory–where I could, should be by now?

Over the past month I’d stepped back into the work I used to do and I’ve been grateful for the opportunity. Jumping back in, I remembered there is plenty that I can and do enjoy about it. And also, that work can serve real, practical needs, too.

Did I change everything to…get to the same place?

I don’t think so. In fact, I know wherever I end up won’t be the same. Because I’ve changed. And yet, maybe I will get back to a more traditional path or career. Or, maybe I won’t. All options are on the table, and I’m starting to be OK with that.

By digging into my new books, I’m changing my perspective and regaining my creative flow and curiosity. I’ve also reconnected with what drove me to want to dream bigger, and try my hand at something different in the first place.

First, there’s Master of Change: How to excel when everything is changing – including you, by Brand Stulberg.

Besides offering helpful lessons and frameworks, this book is delighting the psych major in me. Its ideas are familiar, but shared in a fresh and powerful way that’s sticking with me. Like the concept of “allostasis” – order, disorder, reorder. Nothing ever goes back to being the same after a “disorder” event. Neither do we. It also talks about “rugged flexibility” and how our sense of self is dynamic, not static, but we need to have some boundaries, some sense of who we are.

While I’m only halfway through, I’m gaining a new lens and language through which to see my experiences over the past 7 years. I can throw away the idea that something in me might have “broken,” I can embrace the fact that even now, I will continue to change. It’s liberating me to think of commitment and moving forward with more joy, openness and flexibility. With less pressure. I’m excited to continue reading and embracing the truth of change in a more empowering way, versus something to “solve” for.

Then, there’s The Book of Alchemy: A creative practice for an inspired life, by Suleika Jaquad. Have you ever seen a more beautiful cover?

This book is hot off the press and it’s somewhere in between a book of short essays, The Artist’s Way, and a guided journal. But it’s none of these. The author has an incredible story and has tapped into incredible figures and writers to share a very brief piece of writing (1-3 pages), and a writing prompt. It’s meant to be one of those 100 Day projects, where you do a simple creative thing every day. In this case, journaling, which the author attests is a powerful tool for transformation and healing (and I agree).

For me, just a week in, I’m finding reading from other writers and being sparked to journal in a fresh way has completely revitalized my journaling practice. I don’t love guided journals and this is not that. Besides a nice way to spend some “me” time in the morning, it has allowed me to easily tap into other parts of myself and have fun writing, breaking out of the rut of just journaling about what I have going on that day and circling around the same thoughts.

The best side effect? It’s helping me stop overthinking what I could or “should” write about here. Maybe I could just share what I wrote the other morning about celery juice. Use that as a jumping off point. Why not? It’s the reason you’re seeing me back here. It’s helped me unblocked myself.

Besides these books helping me think of new ideas instead of staying stuck in my mind’s rut, I also started to (re)fill my cup with other things I know I need:

• Full, fun conversations and catch ups with my mom, sister and brother

• Honest, joke-full phone calls with friends

• Reaching out to more connections that I’ve not been able to stay in touch with as I took on this project at the start of the month

• Hugs, support, and appreciation for and of my partner and our relationship

• The fulfillment of a job well done at work, and actually taking the afternoon off to disconnect even when my sense of urgency felt I needed to keep going

• A couple of micro-jogs on my walks when I felt the sadness and anxiety start to well up

You could say this is a trivial update. She was sad. Now she’s not. How will she feel next week? After all, my list of things that helped are mine and mine only. They worked for me. They might not work for you (though I do think there’s a book in there for everyone)!

What I’m realizing is that I’ve been (re)learning how to reconnect with myself. How to nurture myself and take care of my soul and spirit. And within that, (re)learning who I am and what I need so that I can be ok, eventually, no matter what lives bring. No matter what changes out in the world, or within me.

I wish that for you too.

Now it’s your turn: What is in your toolkit for getting back to yourself? If you don’t know, where can you start by trying something new? I’d love to hear!

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💪 Try This

I really can’t speak highly enough about The Book of Alchemy. If it sparks any curiosity in you whatsoever, I think you should join me and try a new, super low lift creative practice.

The author, who was diagnosed with cancer at 22, shares:

“For me, journaling has been a life-altering and even a life-saving practice — it’s how I make sense of this wild ride that is being human... The Book of Alchemy contains everything I’ve learned about how journaling can help us transform life’s interruptions and tap into that mystical trait that exists in every human: creativity."

Source: PEOPLE

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✨ Affirmation for the Week

“I allow my mind to relax and be at ease. Clarity and peace are within me. All is well.”

*This one is from Louise Hay’s ‘You Can Heal Your Life.’ It’s a good one for when you feel a cold coming on, or are in the midst of one, like me!

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🦋 Visual Inspo Corner

I know this feeling won’t always be there, but I’m so grateful to feel inspired again and a little more grounded than before.

This brings me so much joy, I might have to make it my phone wallpaper. It’d also be a great journal cover.

Is this the mantra for spring and summer? I think so.

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📢 If you read this far, you’re a real one, so here’s a quick PSA 📢

In about a week I’ll have some part-time availability for new projects, with more capacity in mid-June. If you or someone you know is looking for support with brand marketing, strategy, writing or something else you think I could be a fit for, do say hi! 🫶

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